"Christmas Vacation" Tirade (AUDIO)

On this most joyous of holidays, I wanted to share with you my favorite rant of all time…the Chevy Chase / Clark Griswold tirade at the end of “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”.

‘Tis the season.

The entire text of the rant is below, as well as an embeddable audio file.

Merry Christmas!

Clark: “If this isn’t the biggest bag over the head, punch in the face I ever got. Goddamnit!” Clark Sr.: “Son.” Clark: “(He tears up the Jelly of the month club membership and drinks some egg nog.) That’s good. That’s good. That’s good. Hey, if any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here, tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head. And, I want to look him strait in the eye and tell him: what a cheap, lyiny, no good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, bloodsucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”