On this most joyous of holidays, I wanted to share with you my favorite rant of all time…the Chevy Chase / Clark Griswold tirade at the end of “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”.
‘Tis the season.
The entire text of the rant is below, as well as an embeddable audio file.
Clark: “If this isn’t the biggest bag over the head, punch in the face I ever got. Goddamnit!” Clark Sr.: “Son.” Clark: “(He tears up the Jelly of the month club membership and drinks some egg nog.) That’s good. That’s good. That’s good. Hey, if any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here, tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head. And, I want to look him strait in the eye and tell him: what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, bloodsucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d-ckless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey sh-t he is! Hallelujah! Holy sh-t! Where’s the Tylenol?”
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