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1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know that this means the borough of Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building, but love Coney Island.
3. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price to be charged without a gun held to your head.
6. You’ve considered stabbing someone just for saying “The Big Apple.”
7. Your door has more than three locks.
8. Your favorite movie has DeNiro and Pacino in it.
9. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
10. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
11. You call an 8′ x 10′ plot of patchy grass a yard.
12. You complain about having to mow it.
13. You consider Westchester “Upstate”.
14. You think Central Park is “nature.”
15. You’re paying $1100 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it’s a “steal.”
16. You’ve been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
17. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.
18. You haven’t seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
19. You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
20. Your closet is filled with black clothes.
21. You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
22. You actually take fashion seriously.
23. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
24. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
25. Going to Long Island is considered a “road trip.”
26. You’ve gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
27. You’re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
28. You haven’t cooked a meal since helping mom last Thanksgiving with the turkey.
29. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
30. Fifty dollars worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
31. You have a minimum of five “worst cab ride ever” stories.
32. You don’t hear sirens anymore.
33. You’ve mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city’s air quality and what it’s doing to your lungs.
34. You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.
35. Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy
36. You wouldn’t want to live anywhere else – until you get married.
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