Isn’t it great being a guy? We can pee standing up, we can squash bugs, it makes you realize how great it is to be alive!
Here are 25 MORE reasons to love being a guy!
More here: Funny Lists
1. OPENING JARS – She’s struggling with it. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly, and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn’t. Jars are men’s work.
2. CALLING SOMEONE ‘SON’ – Policemen especially love this one, but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3. TACKLING SOMEONE – Three-point-stance, hike, and your buddy is lying on his ass reaching for the Ben Gay (who named that stuff anyway).
4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE – Blunt, is it? Hand it to me. I’ll take care of that. No, I don’t need a sharpener, you think I can’t whittle.
5. GOING TO THE DUMP – A manly act which combines driving, lifting and – as you thrillingly hurl your trash into another huge pile of other trash – noisy destruction.
6. DRINKING UP – Specifically, rising from the table, putting on coat on, and chugging two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then heading for the door, saying, “Let’s go” and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You’re the man!
7. HAVING A THIN WOODEN STICK – in the shed, for the sole purpose of stirring paint.
8. HAVING A SCAR – Ideally it’ll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. “Ooh, did it hurt”. “Nah”.
9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE – When birds have been partying they just chirp. You, on the other hand, have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. “Big night?” Grr, what does it look like.
10. NODDING AT COPS – A moment’s eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. “We’ve not seen eye to eye in the past”, it says, “but someone’s got to keep the little mall rats in line”.
11. USING POWER TOOLS – slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while taking a leak? Awesome.
12. ARRIVING LATE TO THE BAR – Everyone even cheers you for it. It doesn’t mean you’re popular, it just means your buddies are pissed, but the rest of the bar doesn’t know that.
13. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT – Fat seems to be a woman issue, apparently. Awesome. Pass the bacon burger.
14. CARVING THE ROAST – Saying “are you a leg or breast man?” and “do you want stuffing?” to the women at the table. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
15. WINKING – turns women into butter, doesn’t it?
16. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS – ideally, Home Depot would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we’ll make do with the aisles.
17. TAKING OUT $200 FROM AN ATM – Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
18. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE – Unlike women, we get straight to the point. “Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya.”
19. PARALLEL PARKING – Yep, straight in. Like a glove – first time.
20. HAVING EARNED THAT BEER – Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it’s over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
21. HAVING SOMETHING AMAZINGLY WRONG WITH YOU – Especially if you didn’t make a fuss about it. “Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain hemorrhage.”
22. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH – “A Phillips? For that? Are you crazy?”
23. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE CAN – A visual code that says, “That’s right, I’m going in there for a huge, long, man-sized dump. Don’t wait up.”
24. CALLING YOUR BUDDY AN A-HOLE – And punching him on the shoulder for good measure. Just a man’s way of saying “You’re a good pal. I missed you while you were in the psych ward.”