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1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

2. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

3. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

4. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

5. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me the heck alone.

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6. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper that’s the time to do it.

7. Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

8. Give a man the fire and you’ll keep him warm for one day. Set the man on fire — and you’ll keep him warm for the rest of his life.

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9. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

10. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

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11. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

12. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

13. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.

17. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

18. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

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