Cats. Sure, they’re cute and cuddly but sometimes you can just tell they’re all out to get us.
Here’s how you can be sure.
- Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
- He actually does have your tongue.
- You find a stash of Feline of Fortune magazines behind the couch.
- Cyanide paw prints all over the house.
- You wake up to find a bird’s head in your bed.
- As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
- Droppings in litter box spell out “REDRUM.”
- Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, “Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?”
- Takes attentive notes every time Itchy and Scratchy are on.
- You find blueprints for a Rube Goldgerg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
- Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
- Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboro’s on your doorstep.
- Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman’s noose.
- You find a piece of paper labelled “MY WIL” which says “LEEV AWL 2 KAT.”
- Now sharpens claws on your car’s brake lines.